We were kept there so long, is it any wonder we became these starving sad things? 

As the final addition to the collective, Choi arrived as chaos peaked. Mourning those that had passed, the collective had become restless caught between their own desire to disappear and their grooming which demanded from them successful completion of their term in the archive. 

An attempt to identify the moment Choi first made contact with Llorona is pointless. In Llorona’s sadness she experienced moments of explosive catharsis which often created spectacle. In creating spectacle she met with antagonists and humiliation, but, in doing so she also left an invitation for others, dead and alive, to join her.

This invitation, executed within a contact zone, reached Choi creating an interruption of the archival process by which inhabitants of the contact zone are made docile, sepulchered. In Imperial Eyes, Mary Louise Pratt (1992) defines contact zones as “social spaces where disparate cultures meet, clash, and grapple with each other, often in highly asymmetrical relations of domination and subordination—like colonialism, slavery, or their aftermaths as they are lived out across the global today.” In attempting to recall their first meeting Choi notes that there is a moment where the archive ends and she smiles. Choi recalls an interruption which seemed to wake her from sleep, an excitement, a not knowing. She remembers walking to what became their first documented meeting: an exorcism conducted by Llorona, documented by Choi, and performed at the feet of the goddess Pomona. 

The year is 2014 and Llorona has been tasked with performing for the goddess, she is told she must present herself before Pomona and demonstrate what she has learned. Llorona knows it is her final year, knows she will soon disappear, knows her time is coming to an end.  With this final task, a viewing, she begins to prepare for her death. Llorona wants a witness, her emotional state is such that she needs one. The invitation goes out and is heard by Choi who arrives that night with unexplainable excitement. She knows very little of what will take place but she feels awake.

Llorona sees Choi and is struck with emotion. Llorona, during her time in the archive, had developed the capacity to inhabit multiple selves. The problem was that she always became too attached and she refused to forget. Moreover this process of burying and exhuming different parts of herself had taken their toll. As an archive dweller she had grown accustomed albeit weary of shifting but in Choi she saw someone like her. Choi N, who had entered the archive as Choi J, had in her short life become many. What had been relegated to fantasy in Llorona’s mind became a mission now that she wasn’t alone. 

There are varying accounts of the events which unfolded that night. Photographs, which Choi has shared, indeed show Llorona before Pomona but the goddess is frozen-turned to stone. In another photograph, Llorona and Choi appear alongside Pomona. The three figures stand facing the camera, Choi and Llorona gaze at the viewfinder as they hold Pomona’s frozen body. The view from inside a coffin. For a moment we are the body inside the coffin demanding to be seen. In holding Pomona they force her to look at the dead and the dead are looking back. No condolences are offered.  In holding Pomona they have presented Pomona for observation, presented Pomona for study, presented Pomona for critique under the guise of consolation. Prior to this moment Llorona had only dreamt of defying Pomona in such a way. 

How could you ever hope to console us?

As witness, Choi’s relationship with Llorona and the collective is complicated. As witness, Choi would go on to survive exile and would retain the memories of her time in the archive. Historically, the witness functions on behalf of the state to exonerate itself and to further erase inhabitants of the contact zone. I can imagine the regret Llorona felt at the distance this created between Choi and the collective but she could see the difficult task which lay ahead and did her best to be generous with Choi during their time together. As the final addition to the collective, Choi took on the emotional labor of making sure no one was alone in their final moments.

Pacha Kamaq, witness how my enemies shed my blood. 

In these final moments Choi had the difficult task of bringing to life all the incomplete, partial, and fragmented parts, to resuscitate. To create from a place of fragmentation, to create from a debris of information, to hold the remains and traces left behind. Choi was tasked with mourning what had been lost in a way that did not dwell on the trauma, in a way that allowed those fragments to escape the curse of repetition. 

She kept me alive after my death. I made myself paper and you found me. 

Following her own departure from the archive, Choi developed a technology and a process for locating previous archive dwellers living among us. A few years ago Choi recognized La War at a rooftop party in LA. They spoke for some time over a pack of cigarettes. Although their paths had not crossed during their respective terms in the archive, they were connected by Llorona who had spent time with them both. In speaking with La War, Choi could finally confirm Llorona’s stories. La War still spoke of things like alchemy, still carried gravity within her, still spoke with urgency. Choi could see why Llorona had exploded the way she did when La War was ejected from the archive, could see why Llorona had chosen to welcome the spectres. How could a place that brought so many terrible things also bring us together? 

We are older and in good health.

The house is large but not too large

there’s a breakfast nook where earlier we sat 

holding hands as we reached across the table. 

We are older and I know more about you now than I did then. 

I have found the words to let you know me. 

I know your names and your words 

and it doesn’t make me love you any less. 

In fact

I love you more than I did then.